you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
where are my eyebrows?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
