We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
