And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
