Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can you bring me the toilet please
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
