one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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