i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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