Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
