Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Is it because I queefed?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
