My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
