Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
