I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
