You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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