Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
