I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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