No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
