I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just had sex bonerless
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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