how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
