I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
