She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The best revenge is premature balding
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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