i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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