i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
