Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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