Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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