drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
