Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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