I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
