Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
