ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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