this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
