Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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