the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
A bitchslap is in order.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
