Who did Billy Mays play for?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
