Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
