brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
