I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
