I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
