tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You have to summon your inner elephant
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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