dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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