How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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