I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
