Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
