ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
