YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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