I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
