I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
