she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
