I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
