i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
