she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
