I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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